Hey kids, Uncle Pest Pro here! This week, I’m introducing “Kritter Korner for Kidz” and like the name says, it’s just for kids. So gather ‘round, munchkins!
What are we gonna do? We’re gonna hear about scary spiders! We’re gonna draw pictures of blind mice! And we’re gonna learn to holler, “Better call Home Defenders, mom!”
But first, it’s story time! Once upon a time—but really just this morning—I was telling my secretaries how I’ve been eating lots of fruits and veggies lately. “My weight is down to 146 pounds,” I proudly said. Well, it turns out that our bookkeeper, Auntie Nova, was not impressed. “That’s not enough for a big ol’ grown man to weigh!” she said, sounding like that bitter Wicked Witch of the West.
You know, kids, adults are funny. Sometimes they say one thing, but they mean something else. And do you know what Auntie Nova really meant? She meant that when pretty women are in the mood to, well, make kids of their own, they won’t be knocking on Uncle Pest Pro’s door. And that sure is a rotten thing to say.
But that’s grownup stuff and you can worry about it later. For now, eat lots of fruits and veggies … and get ready for the insults because, believe me, they’re coming. Heck, I think I’ll wolf down a milkshake and large fries because no matter what you do there’s no pleasing the members of a certain gender. And that’s not a sexist remark, either, I could be talking about men. Seriously, ladies, no angry emails.
Uh … hey kids, why the long faces? You know, gang … being an adult is all about taking constructive criticism and I just got a fun idea! Let’s all go to the gym and toss that big medicine ball and lift weights.
A little extra muscle mass never hurt a kid or a big ol’ grown man!