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You know what’s best about being here in India? I’m slowly taking on Indian characteristics; turning into an Indian man. Now that’s a vacation!

Oh, and just because I’m here doesn’t mean my business has shut down. My workers are busy battling mountain pests. Call us anytime you need help.
Here’s some differences between “America Mike” and “India Mike”:

America Mike eats most of the foods you eat, and is especially fond of wood-fired pizzas, scrambled eggs, and buttermilk pancakes. India Mike eats dosas, oopma, pongal, and is especially fond of maha raj bhog flavored ice cream.>>America Mike is a professional exterminator who prudently avoids contact with poison chemicals. India Mike fears getting malaria and fills his hotel room with a mosquito-killing fog so thick it could cause brain damage to small mammals.

America Mike fears being run over by a car and gets upset when some reckless driver almost kills him as he walks across the street. India Mike, like the locals, doesn’t bat an eye when a maniac comes within inches of hitting him. After all, if you’re not dead, injured, or lying unconscious in the street, what’s the problem?

America Mike owns a business and pays up the wazoo for an expensive AAA rated insurance policy. India Mike rents a motorcycle with a handshake and no one’s gonna be suing him now are they.

America Mike sets the example for his employees by obeying all of California’s stringent traffic laws. India Mike’s motorcycle headlight is broken, he has no Indian driver’s license, wears no helmet, drives barefoot, and rides on the wrong side of the road when traffic is bad, just like the locals.

India Mike will come home soon enough and transform back into America Mike, but please be patient, it may take him a while to readjust.

I just hope the CHP understands.

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