Quick, what’s the scariest part of your home? Is it the attic, ground zero for supernatural happenings in horror movies? Maybe. Is it the water heater closet, from whence comes many a weird gurgling sound? Well, only if Dracula is hiding in there with a case of indigestion. Is it the crawl space, home of rats, raccoons, poisonous spiders, and snakes? Provided you have a fear of dying a grisly death, the correct answer is “crawl space”.
I’ve inspected thousands of crawl spaces, and here’s the most common questions I get:
1) How often should I get my crawl space inspected? Every year. Crawl spaces are home to lots of destructive pests, including rats, mice, ants, termites, and so on. Most homeowners don’t even know even those critters are under there.
2) What’s it like squirming in a tight crawl space? Well, it’s a claustrophobic place where you think, “What if an earthquake hits and I’m trapped?” It’s a place where you pray you never bump into a live rattlesnake … or the corpse of the guy who did bump into a live rattlesnake. It’s a place where a man asks himself, “Did I go to college for this?”
3) Just what kind of man inspects grimy crawl spaces, anyway? Well, a good one who’s not afraid of a hard day’s work. But maybe one who goofed off too much in college … maybe he should have talked to his guidance counselor once in a blue moon … and perhaps he should have listened to his parents who really did know what they were talking about all along, darn it!
But, ultimately … one who was never cut out for a white-collar job and who really does love his work. And when you call his company, Home Defenders, he’s more than happy to, ahem … use his college-educated head and send one of his workers to come inspect your crawl space!