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 It’s time for my annual article on “signs I might be getting old.” Here’s my new list:

>> I’ve seen many generations of dogs go from pup to adult to old dog to gone-to-doggy-heaven.

>>When I’m in a good mood, I’m amazed at how many brown hairs I still see on my head. When I’m in a bad mood, all I see are gray ones.

>> I’ve been getting those “you’re over the hill” birthday cards for decades now.

>> The last time I could wolf down a big meal and exercise, well, John Travolta was striking a pose under a disco ball.

>> Eulogies for my high school classmates have gone from “He passed away too young” to “He lived a full life”.

>>I sometimes use 60’s slang around teens just to mess with their heads. “Hey man, that sure is one far out pair of bell bottoms!”

>>I’m convinced that an Apple Watch will one day save my life.

>>When I go down the hill, I always take a jacket because sometimes it gets nippy. Also, I use the word “nippy.”

>>I look like a corpse under those godawful overhead fluorescent lights. 

>> When I started Home Defenders in 1996, I paid absolutely no attention to those godawful overhead fluorescent lights.

>> I went jogging last week, and, though I didn’t find any bullet holes, I’m sure a sniper shot me in the back of the leg. 

>>I’ve got those heat/cold wraps for almost every region of the human body.

>>I think gray hair looks cool and sexy on every head but my own.

Finally, I know I might be getting old because I’m retiring my “might be getting old” theme for a new one: “I woke up this morning and finally had to admit I am old.”

I’m sure you’ll get a kick out of it. Especially if you’re still young.

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