They say good things come in threes, but what about bad things? Better yet, what about mountain pests? Here’s my list of the critters dominating mountain cabins these days.
Ants — Few people think about ants until a platoon of the beasties invades their bowl of fancy imported chocolates. Mind you, I don’t blame ants for targeting goodies filled with “creme de vanille” and “hazelnut ganache” and all those yummy European fillings. I can’t resist them either. If you want to save your treats, call Home Defenders because we put the panache in saving your ganache.
Rodents — I imagine rodents could survive on nothing but Euro-treats because the delicacies are chock-full of nuts, sugar and butter—the three basic rodent food groups. Call me a rat any day. Call us if you want to keep rats off your daily food pyramid.
Gophers — Good news! Señor Gopher doesn’t eat chocolate. Bad news: He eats the roots of roses, tomatoes, and many garden plants. More bad news: Though spring was colder than the Wicked Witch’s backside, we’ve still been getting gopher calls for months. Be ready for the coming tide of tunneling terror.
In the past I have portrayed gophers as adorable Dennis the Menace rapscallions that drive gardeners crazy, but, after getting “constructive, non-positive feedback” from rose lovers, I promise not to make jokes about gophers. Cross my heart and hope to die! Roses are serious business.
Still, have you ever seen a gopher poking its furry little head out of a tunnel? Isn’t that the cutest thing you ever saw? Why, just yesterday I saw a gopher with a red rose in his mouth, likely headed for a rendezvous with a foxy lady gopher. Ooh, la, la! Summer is back, everybody!
Sorry, rose lovers, I just couldn’t resist …