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I give up. After thirty-five years of pleading with homeowners to block rodents out of their cabins, I’m throwing in the towel. No, I’m not retiring from pest management—I’ll battle pests til I drop dead—I’m just giving up my role as “adviser-in-chief.” Why? Because—other than the houses us Home Defenders have professionally sealed—almost every mountain cabin I visit has dozens of rodent entry holes. I am the only one who sees the fun and challenge of rodent-proofing a home? Wait, I have an idea…

Since my pleas to block rodent openings don’t appear to be working, I’m going to try reverse psychology and teach you how to invite mice into your home. Yep, you read that right. Here’s three surefire tips:

>> Insist that plumbers and electricians drill big holes when they run utility pipes into your home. The openings need a minimum half-inch gap around the pipe so rodents can easily dart inside. Do not allow the workers to simply caulk around the openings! Where’s the sport in that? 

>> Ask a contractor to build lots of dormers on your roof. They look elegant and there’s always a little gap where the roof lines meet that allows mice, rats, chipmunks, and squirrels to run into the attic. If the contractor insists on sealing the openings, say, “No way, man! Rodents need a home, too… so what if they chew up my electrical wires. Live and let live!”

>> Never, ever walk around the exterior foundation of your home and look for holes that allow rodents to enter. Instead, grab a cold brew, kick back and watch a ballgame. Those Rams sure are looking strong, huh? Your La-Z-Boy awaits, sire!

Finally, if my reverse psychology has backfired and you don’t want filthy, wire-chewing rodents running wild in your house, give us Home Defenders a call and we’ll kick the critters out and block their entry holes. That will leave you plenty of time to relax and watch the Dodgers in the World Series. Have a championship week, everyone!

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